Changes

I had a tire blowout last week. It was nerve racking and caused a fair bit of anxiety. However, it couldn’t have been more perfectly timed if I tried. I wasn’t on a freeway, I wasn’t even going anywhere far. I was going to the tire shop because I knew that my tires were in bad shape. The tire exploded in the driveway of the tire shop. It was taken care of rather quickly. I paid too much for the new tires, something I am not sure I could have avoided even if I wasn’t riding the anxiety from a sudden explosion sound coming from a car I had only been using for a couple of weeks.

To which, I finally got my license. It only took twelve years. But I have, it’s mine. And I have no eyes in my picture. It’s odd, but it is entirely freeing in a way I could never have expected. It’s had me stop to think about a lot of different things, however. For one, it may be the time that I take a step back from school.

I have been a devoted student for the majority of my life. I haven’t given myself a break really ever. Even when I wasn’t in school, I was constantly thinking about when I was going back. What classes I needed to take. What did I want to do with my life? What was I trying to be? These questions have plagued me. Been something that was on the front of my mind no matter what I was doing.

The difference now is I know what I want. I know I want to be a teacher. I know what courses I need to take. What actions I have to go through. I also know that I am twenty eight years old. That the longest I have ever had to even pretend to take care of myself was for three weeks a couple weeks ago.  That I haven’t had anything other than a part time job really ever. And that the way I have been living can directly linked with just how bad my anxiety and depression can get . Has gotten. I have to make changes. I have to do something drastically different. And taking that step back can do it.

My focus right now is finding a full time job. One that will permit me to take the steps I should have long ago. I’ve sign up for courses on the chance that I don’t have a job before the semester will start. But I am actually hoping that I am gainfully employed before then.

This year has been one for changes. It’s time to keep that going.

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