The Annual Bash

For the past seven years, there has been the Bash.

The Bash takes place over President’s Day weekend, Saturday through Monday. There is a theme set. Food is decided. A movie is picked. And the party commences.

The first Bash I remember was the Ulitmate Zelda Bash. We played and beat through as many of the Zelda games as we could, watched the old television show, and feasted on Deku Scrub Balls, Octorok Balls, and Kokiri Salad. It was an amazing time.

This year, the theme was Spooky Horror. The main game was Silent Hill 2. It was beaten Sunday. Other games played included Pony Island, Betrayal of the House on the Hill, Resident Evil 7,  Left 4 Dead 2, and You Don’t Know Jack murder something or another. The movies watched were Hellraiser and Hellraiser 2. The food was in no way themed, but for the first time since I started cooking for the bash, there was more than enough food to feed everyone for two days and still have some left over.

The best thing about the Bash is how many of my friends come together for this event. It’s something we know we can count on happening, and people will make plans and take days off to be there. It’s a chance to see friends that we normally won’t see for the rest of the year. And it has the added bonus of it being a sleep over. Which, as an adult feels way more fun than it ever did growing up. The memories that get created there last for the years to come. We still talk about events from bashes of years past. We’ll probably talk about events from this bash.

I strangely really enjoyed when we broke off the theme and started playing Smash Brothers and Artemis. I discovered that I really enjoying being a Captain. I think I am terrible at leadership roles, and yet I find myself in them and enjoying myself in them more often than not. It’s something for me to ponder more.

Now to move on to more planning for secret mission, and have hopes for the next year.

Cheers!

Advertisements

February Blues

When I started writing this entry, I was sitting at Tortilla Joe’s restaurant in the Downtown Disney District, taking myself on a much needed me date. This year is going by so fast. It’s kind of unbelievable. A lot has happened. To start, I have a temporary job. I am a data entry technician working from an office in Gardena, which is nowhere near where I live and entirely too close to Disneyland. Which is why I wound up stopping there to avoid some of the traffic nightmares on my way home.  I’m still going on interviews for other positions. I have one tomorrow, in fact. This year feels like a good year for getting interviews compared to previous years. In fact, I’ve already gone on more interviews in the past month and a half than I did the first half of last year. With any luck, one of these will stick to a job that will last longer than one month.

But I’m not going sit and spew that all has been nothing but hope and searching and trying to get employment. I’ve felt so lost this year. I am trying to find the path that my life is supposed to go on, but I can’t remember when or where I got off the path. I know it’s happened, the current state of my life is a huge indicator that Hey! Somewhere where you got off track. I’ve been taking these huge and tiny steps towards getting to a place where I think that I will be better. Where I won’t feel my anxiety creep up my spine and choke me.  Operation Secret project is a huge portion of that. It is, without any hesitation or doubt, the biggest thing that can be done to get myself aimed at a better place.

I took one of the hardest steps towards that operation. I told my dad about it. He wasn’t exactly what could be called supportive. He told my mother, who in turn responded in a manner that was beyond unsupportive. Which, is confusing. The thing I’m trying to make sure happens. It’s something that should happen. It’s something that should have happened a long time ago. I don’t understand why my parents seem to be trying to sabotage or bribe me to prevent this from happening. But it’s going to. Sometime soon (next month hopefully) I’ll be able to talk about it more. With better news.

Laller is getting progressively worse. Most days, she won’t really get out of her bed unless I carry her out and set her in the living room to socialize. I worry that the doctors and nurses were wrong when they said that she should have another five years in her. I don’t see how anymore. It’s terrifying and heartbreaking seeing how much she has regressed. I can’t take care of her anymore. I can’t handle the pressure or the responsibility and still manage to take care of myself. I’ve tried to do so, but it gets harder and harder to care for a woman who goes dead weight when I try to pick her up to feed her, or punches me repeatedly when I have to give her a shower, or bites when I need to move her to change the sheets that she’s soiled again. I found a home that could take her and do so much better for her than I am able to provide, but there is resistance from others to putting her in it. Which, I understand too. Laller was very vocal about not wanting to be in a living assistance home. But no one saw how badly the Alzheimer’s would affect her coming. We didn’t predict that within the span of a year, she’d go from someone who could take care of herself (feeding, bathing, cleaning, using the toilet) to someone who on some days just refuses to leave bed for any reason. It’s heartbreaking.

School starts next week. I have a few courses and a couple that is not in my normal major. But something that will hopefully help me get a job in the business field while I continue pursuing the education field goal. I know I what I want to do in life, I just also know that I can’t afford to sit and keep trying and only doing that one thing. I need to do more.

There things to look forward to. I have the Bash this weekend, my friends are wonderful, Opereation Secret Project is still going, despite opposition. And there will be more lovely rain soon. Gosh, that rain was needed.

There are things I have to keep holding on to hope for. There are reasons for me to be happy. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.