I’ll be perfectly honest. The fact that it is only Wednesday is absolutely mind-boggling to me. Like. This is some amazing revelation that this week has lasted what feels like 100 years, and we’re just getting over the middle of it.
There was some sort of karmic retribution for what a good week last week was. People I care about and/or love were hospitalized. One of them is facing invasive surgery. One of them no longer gets to go home. Others I love were facing eviction. Someone else is having a hard recovery from fairly serious surgery. And several people came to me needing advice or help because of a loss, their own anxieties, and the messed up things going on in their life.
And I kind of quietly had several breakdowns because all in all. I could do very little to help or change any of this. I did manage to help some. But it doesn’t feel like enough. And there are other things that feel heavier this week than they have in a while.
I don’t know. Right now all I want to do is spend the next two days curled up in my bed with someone to hug and cocoa. Maybe a book. Most definitely a book.
A good friend did point out that I’ve always been able to get through things. That things have always worked out somehow. I’m going to cling onto that while I finish off the week. I have more cat sitting to do this weekend. And yoga. And I get to meet someone new. Who knows. Maybe by Friday things will go back to just. Being good.
That would be nice. That would be really nice.
This week has shown me something else that I need to work on this year. More than just, saying no I can’t help. I need to stop beating myself for trying to take care of myself. I need to tell people I can’t deal with their messes without feeling guilty. I really need to do more things that take care of me.
Let’s see if I get anywhere close to figuring out how to do that even a little bit by the end of the year.